Will I make it...?

Will i make it to the end?
Will i be able to hold strong and steadfast with the principles and beliefs that i have?
Will i be able to convey what i really mean and communicate effectively my views on where i stand and what i do?
Will i be able to brace the waves of situation and problems to be still standing?
or even if i fall...
Will i be able to rise up again...?
Or will i create my own path under the waters...?
Will i be able to go about like i am now?
Will i make full use of my time to focus on the end... or be in the Now?
Will i make it... How i am now... where i am now... what i am now... why i am now... who i am now...?
...
How did these question came to my mind? or perhaps these questions came to your mind too?
What separates us is how we deal with life... not what we face in life...
we face roughly the same thing... we might stuff that others don't have and others might have what we don't have...
Some of us face it with persistence and focus so much on the end and we miss the present, the greatest gift from God.
Some of us get caught up too much on the past... that we close our eyes to the beauty and preciousness of life.
We regret for the stuff that we did and might have done... We were also grateful and felt blessed by the same stuff that we did and might have done...
We might regret but we might want it back...
Nothing is ever lost... only not found... But sometimes... we found it, but it was lost again... not found again...
You know where it is, what it is, how it is, but you just cant get it...
But if not now when? not Us, who? Will we wait for the future, something uncertain, or will we make the best of our present, which is so true? Will we be able to close our eyes on the past and future and make the most of living right here and now?
Will i... be able to turn my back on the system that majority of us follow so obediently, which we close our eyes on the wrong and ill at ease feeling that we have on the very system and structure? We are constantly in denial...
Do you really understand or have i understood wrongly or the very base of understanding itself have been so flawed and distorted that the very state of reasoning that we partake which leads to our understanding is... wait2 im lost here... scratch that n_n
But... I feel... that i have left the port... and i want to turn back... i want to turn back... i want to turn back...
but i cant... the ship wont allow me... am i even on the ship? or in fact... am i just drifting alone on the sea... lost in uncertainty and dogmatic circumstances... when have i jumped the ship? or did i even jumped? Was i even on the ship?...
I have not found again what was so important to me... I want it back ...
So that i can be strong again... least stronger than i am now...
I can see and hear how selfish i am... Will i make it in this sea...
Will i find land...
Will i make it...
in the end...?
PS; what the hell have i just written? o.O? I don't understand myself...