What am i feeling now...

Now that tomorrow is my semester 2 exam or put it in an IB way...
Placement exam hu3
so how exactly am i feeling now?
Its hard to say... wif everything thats been happening around me...

a mechanized heart... artificial... many parts of bits and pieces... built to precision... but hardly humane...
Its hard to say... perhaps i am feeling this way... mechanized... heartless... without a soul... I am still running but to no means...
The hardest part in life is when you don't understand urself...
I guess thats where i am now... and how i am feeling...

sometimes... i just feel like exploding every single moment... react so reactively to every thing that comes my way... even the smallest stuff that ruffles my feathers i feel like just to kill and blast it to pieces...

even the tiniest act of not caring or not even understanding to myself or seeing other person being treated that way it makes me so mad! seeing people so selfish as exams are coming... 

and i tink i'm no better than them as  well...

sometimes i find it hard to maintain my self composure and even patience...

Patience is still with me only now that it is not as large as it used to be...

And when you tell a story or just sharing how u feel...

it makes u burn with fire to see that that person... is not even listening to u...

doing something else... giving suggestion even when ur not asking for one... all you wanted to do was share your feeling and hear the other side acknowledge your situation and your emotions... nothing much...

just be there for awhile spend a moment with you to dwell in ur condition to mke it feel all better just for a sec...

I miss that person i once had... 

that person who was always there...

now all that i wear is this mask...

this is what the world sees...

how i am longing for...

someone to see the real me for a change...

who wouldnt judge... who would care...

someone who would give without remembering and receive without forgetting...

i guess you can say...

Companionship...

I miss that so much...